Always 17 In Your Hometown

Had my music on shuffle today and 17 by Cross Canadian Ragweed (written by Cody Canada & Jason Boland) came on. I forget how much I really love this song and how much joy it brings me to listen to it. I didn’t sing as loudly as I usually do, having a sleeping baby & a nurse in the house will do that to you.

This was the song we played as I pulled away from my parents house, Uhaul packed with all my worldly possessions & pulling my car, moving to Texas. It would be the first time I ever lived more then 10 miles from the house I grew up in. Leaving my hometown was hard. Harder then I ever imagined, and so many changes in the four years since.

Near the end of my CoMO years, I felt like was 17 again. I had moved back home, hanging out with a few people I knew at 17, seeing people at the bars that I knew when I 17. Had anyone left? Yes, I knew they had, it was all over Facebook. I was still in the job I had gotten right out of college (located right there in my hometown).

Looking back, I was afraid to take risks in my hometown, whether it be leaving a relationship or a job or doing out of my comfort zone. And then I just knew I had to get out of there to get on with my life, so late one Sunday night, I applied for a job in Dallas. A month later, a friend, who later became my husband, drove me and that Uhaul to Lewisville, Texas.

Now, I can return to my hometown, maybe act like 17 year old Rachel for a bit, go to the bars I consider my Cheers, see my friends and return to my life, happy with where I am now.

But really, aren’t we all always 17 in our hometowns?

Today And Everyday

Today, we had a really great day. Mae had clinic, meaning we drove to Children’s and spent the day meeting with therapists, dietitians, pulmonology, ENT and GI doctors. We stay in one room and they come to us. It took about four and a half hours, including a blood draw.

We are almost thru this cold & flu season without a hospitalization, but some of our friends haven’t been as lucky. I got word today that one of our trach friends was admitted to the PICU in respiratory distress. Unfortunately, I hear this news almost everyday in this trach world.

Everyday, I worry about who we’ve been in contact with, who our nurses have been in contact with and who the kid sitting across from us at therapy has been in contact with. I worry if all the hand washing and sanitizing is enough. I worry if Mae coughs one too many times. I worry that one wrong move could send us to the hospital for an extended stay. I’m sure I’m not alone in my worries.

Please, please, don’t leave your house if you are sick. That person you walk past at the store or talk to at work could be parent of a medically fragile child, who worries that any contact with someone who has the common cold or flu, could get us checked into the hospital.

This is what I worry about today and everyday.

Mae’s Arrival

December 29, 2016 was a nice, sunny winter day. My parents were in town for the day and I went to work, thinking I would leave a little early to spend some time with them. Around 8:45, after discovering some blood, I drove myself to hospital, where I was admitted to L&D. After many hours of waiting and a few long ultrasounds, they took me back for an emergency C-Section. I was 25 weeks along.

Mae arrived at 4:52 pm. She weighed 1 pound, 12 ounces and was 12 1/2 inches long. She was tiny and perfect, even with a hundred wires attached to her and a tube & vent helping her breathe.

When she was three days old, a nurse discovered a skin irritation on her right side, thinking it was caused by one of the sensors attached to her. It continued to get worse, it was biopsied and experts around the country were consulted.

The morning of January 11 our doctors at the hospital said Mae would be transferred to Children’s, about an hour away. My husband left work and my mom went back to our house to pack me a bag (putting fresh meat in freezer in the process, I never would have remembered to do that). By 3 pm, we were in the smallest NICU room watching as numerous teams came to look at Mae and her wound. I’m almost certain more then 50 people came in her room that day. Surgery was scheduled for 9 pm that evening. My childhood minister & family friend baptized Mae by phone late that evening, with Justin, sprinkling water on her isolette from a sterile water bullet. The admitting doctor gave Mae a less then 20% chance of surviving. Her surgery was the scariest hours of my life. That surgery included removing two infected ribs and left her chest wall open. Two days later, the surgeons went back in to do another debridement and remove another partial rib. Zygomycosis was the name of her fungal infection and is usually found in cancer patients due to their compromised immune systems. There was no research on how to treat someone as young & tiny as Mae. A course of two anti fungal meds were given for the next five months. She got daily visits from both the surgical & infectious disease teams. She will most likely require additional surgeries as she grows to reconstruct her chest wall.

The next few weeks were long, as all we could do was wait for Mae to grow & heal. March 19, she was extubated for the first time and we got to hear her tiny voice. Due to her long intubation & poor lung development, Mae developed BPD & pulmonary hypertension. After four weeks of no movement on vent settings, one more intubation and an extubation, the decision was made for Mae to get a Trach and g-tube on April 21. Justin & I jumped right in, learning the trach life. The home vent was tried, with no success. One of the doctors described it as going from a BMW to a Ford. Finally, the first week of June, Mae got on the home vent and liked it. We also go to try bottle feeding & breastfeeding for the first time. A care conference was held to discuss the next steps.

The next step was a move back to our hometown to a Rehabilitation Hospital on June 27. Mae was 180 days old. Leaving the NICU was bittersweet, we wanted to leave, but we were leaving an amazing, loving, caring team of nurses, doctors & therapists.

I decided to go home & sleep in my own bed the night of June 29. At 2:17 am, the hospital called us, Mae’s trach had somehow come out and it took 10 minutes of CPR to get her back. We met Mae at the closest ER, where she was awake, just a little miffed at getting an IV in her head. After consulting her doctors at Children’s, Mae went back to her rehab hospital.

Over the next few months, Mae worked so hard during all 3 plus hours of therapy a day. Justin & I were anxious to take our little girl home, but we needed night nursing. Somehow, the stars aligned & prayers were answered in late September; home nursing had been found! Equipment & supplies started arriving.

Finally, on November 1, at 307 days old, Mae got to come home!

Garlic Butter Tilapia

Cooking fish for the first time can be a little intimidating; I’d probably been on my own a few years before I tried any sort of fish recipe. This garlic butter tilapia is an easy, flavorful recipe that can be used on a weeknight for a quick dinner or a special dinner. Tilapia is a very mild fish and not very fishy tasting.

Total time – 25 minutes (10 min Prep + 15 bake)

  1. Preheat oven to 450.
  2. Melt butter in small sauce pan. Add garlic & sauté for 1-2 min on low.
  3. Add white wine & 1 TBSP lemon juice. Stir to combine and remove from heat.
  4. Spray pan with cooking spray & drizzle with lemon juice.
  5. Arrange fish in pan. Sprinkle with Italian seasonings, add salt & pepper to taste. I prefer to use freshly ground pepper & coarse sea salt.
  6. Drizzle garlic butter over fish & into the pan.
  7. Bake 15 min or until done. As soon as you pull the fish out of the oven sprinkle with a bit of Parmesan cheese.
  8. Serve with brown rice and a vegetable.

Garlic Butter Tilapia

  • 3-4 Tilapia filets
  • 2 1/2 TBSP Butter
  • 8 cloves minced garlic
  • 1 TBSP Lemon Juice + juice for drizzling
  • 1 TBSP White Wine
  • 1 TBSP Italian Seasonings
  • Salt & Pepper to taste
  • Parmesan cheese

Independence Day #TX182

I spent two and a half years living in north Texas and if I learned anything during those years, it is that Texans take great pride in their state and its history. March 2 is Independence Day, this year marked 182 years of independence from Mexico. Remember the Alamo?

We moved away from Texas and make our home in The Good Life, but that doesn’t stop us from celebrating. My husband is native to Texas, March 2 is more of a religious holiday for him.

We hosted our first party for this historic day, inviting native Nebraskans for Tacos, Blue Bell ice cream floats and Texas Sheet Cake Cupcakes. Mae even enjoyed part of the festivities before we did her bedtime routine. Independence Day can wear a girl out.

Having nine adults in our tiny house for dinner turned out better then I thought. We know what to do differently next year and have made those notes (too much rice & beans). We kept the pre party stage fairly simple: chips & salsa with sangria or beer. Dinner was a taco bar. We made the meat earlier and kept it warm in the crockpot. That made our tacos a bit spicer the usual. Taco topping were in bowls on the counter next to the meat & tortillas.

Dessert was Texas Sheet cake cupcakes. We also served a Texas staple of vanilla Blue Bell ice cream and Big Red cream soda. Side note: why is Big Red soda not more popular in Nebraska?!

I even kept our table decor easy. Our six flags of Texas & star center piece on top of a Texas printed towel. Chips & salsa next to that. It left space for guests to sit drinks & their plates.

Happy Independence Day from the Texas Embassy to Aksarben!

The Red Dirt Legend

Yesterday, a singer/songwriter died in Nashville after heart surgery a week ago. Brandon Jenkins was the Red Dirt Legend.

I’m not sure when I first heard his music for the first time or where I was. I do remember hearing My Feet Don’t Touch the Ground for the first time driving to HyVee. I fell in love with voice and the words and the music. I saw him play at Red Dirt Christmas (“Music Church”) at Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa a few years ago. An amazing night with great music.

In my single girl days, my old blog featured lyrics and memories associated with the memories. Today, this song just makes me smile and remember the hours I spent listening to Red Dirt music.

With you by my side, I can do without the big city lights. I fly so high when you’re around, my feet don’t touch the ground.

If you need some new music this weekend, I encourage you to check out Brandon Jenkins.